Brown Quits. Cameron No Doubt Sniffs Opportunity.
In what can only be described as a bizarre twist of fate – and you couldn’t make this up – Gordon Brown has resigned as prime minister of Great Britain.
Events unfolded when an unusually powerful gust of wind swept along the Thames, picking up debris and in so doing, blew a hole in the face of Big Ben.
The ensuing gale caused the iconic bell to monstrously chime in the wind – a knell that shuddered and brought the capital to a standstill - the normally ignorant Londoners actually pausing from earning obscene amounts of money and contemplating their existence.
But it was a wake-up call for more than Joe Public. Realising the enormity of events, our prime minister called an emergency press conference.
The normally stoic Scot, tears visibly welling, announced he was leaving office, citing the weather as, and I quote “the wind of change.”
He described his guilt at climate change, his previous inability to comprehend that mankind’s future must come before personal ambition and apologised for ill-conceived green washing.
As the press gathered, cameras flashing, Dictaphones whirring, he said:
”It is with deep regret that I announce today [his tongue then did that strange action filling the left cheek] that climate change is real, political ambition selfish, fame empty and I cannot damn the planet any longer by bowing to the nuclear sector.”
I bustled myself to the front and, avoiding security, took the former PM aside. A shock decision, I wagered.
“It’s a lie. My whole life, a wrong decision. I can’t believe world leaders deny the inevitable, funded by money rather than the future. I can’t be a part of it any longer.”
As the cabinet no doubt regroups, I fear a re-election. To have the leader of the opposition sniff opportunity rather than class A’s would be disastrous. A Machiavellian figure who spouts green when he can smell victory, a hideous hypocrite of the highest order, the posh boy playing the common man, a con man, an insult to the conscious.
Brown may be gone, his surname anything but green, but I fear worse is to come, a good politician buried in guilt who should have saved us.
And the date? April Fool’s Day.
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Photo courtesy of Flickr.
If only!