EcoWorldly

Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS feed and stay up to date.

George Bush and Hugo Chavez, former political enemies, announced plans this morning to dismantle the North American Free Trade Agreement, or NAFTA, replacing it instead with the North American Fair Trade Agreement, also NAFTA.

“The new agreement marks a turning point in US-Venezuela relations,” said Juan Johnston of the North American Monitor of Bribery in Latin America (NAMBLA). “It also underscores the magnitude of recent growth in demand for ethically produced goods.”

In Venezuela, Chavez introduced news of the trade deal with praise for the American president.

“You know, there’s been a confusion about how I feel about George,” said President Chavez. “I call him a white devil with love… y con mucho respeto. You know, he’s such a little white devil, that Bush. But really, he is what you say a man’s man — a husband, a dedicated golfer, and a man who takes what he wants when he wants it.”

Chavez added, “Venezuela and our neighbors struggle always against American economic imperialism that robs our countries and keeps them poor or depending on government oil handouts. I am so happy that my friend Bush is joining us in this fight. I feel that this is a big step in our relationship.”

Encouragement of friendly economic overtures between the two countries is said to have come at the urging of US Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, who has been pushing for economic cooperation in recent weeks. Reportedly, Bernanke became aware of the urgency of the United States’ economic situation last month when he was forced to auction his undershorts as Americana memorabilia to a Chinese collector.

With the severity of his country’s war spending debts to China in mind — as well as a promise to retrieve Bernanke’s undergarments — President Bush used healing words of his own to address the new direction in trade relations.

“We will meet Venezuelan workers with American fairness… fairdom. It’s like freedom, only fairer,” promised Bush at this morning’s press conference. “It’s like the Golden Rule of the Bible says, ‘treat others like you want them… Like you think they oughta be treated…’ Well, you know the one I mean. It’s the important one.”

Bush also apologized for numerous attempts to assassinate or overthrow the Venezuelan President as well as for the recently exposed CIA operation to incite a popular uprising following Chavez’ socialist referendum.

“Hugo’s a friend to America,” said Bush. “I wish I knew how to quit that man. I mean, this is the guy who stood beside America after the terrifying events of Katrina. He fights terrorism by supplying America with 12% of the oil we depend on to bring freedom to the Iraqi people. I mean, the least we should do for him is to help deliver fair wages to workers in Venezuela and other Latin speaking nations.”

With the promise of ethical business in the Americas in sight, there’s just one thing that could throw a spanner in the works: April 1.

From all of us at EcoWorldly, happy April Fools Day.